


Of Roses and Maryams

by xElinielx



Series: It's hard being a kid and growing up. It's hard and nobody understands. [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Game, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas Fluff, College, Eventual Romance, F/F, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Insecurity, M/M, MORE RELATIONSHIPS AND CHARACTERS WILL JOIN AND CHANGE!, Mentions of shrek, Mutual Pining, No God Tier AU, Other, Quadrant Confusion, Romance, Slow Burn, Troll Anatomy, Underage Drinking, add more tags later!!!!, cakes, dad egbert left so many cake mixes yall, dave is worried about karkat, nothing sexual about it though!, references to their classpects because i have to, rose is nervous about asking kanaya out, the alphas are sixteen, the betas are fifteen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:00:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22265257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xElinielx/pseuds/xElinielx
Summary: Rose Lalonde has a dilemma. Her siblings all have partners that will accompany them to their annual Christmas party -- and she doesn't. Refusing to be the only Strilonde without someone to date, Rose tries her best to get a cute girl in her creative writing class to agree to fake date her over Christmas -- but what if the girl thinks that they're dating for real?
Relationships: Caliborn/Dirk Strider, Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, John Egbert & Roxy Lalonde, John Egbert/Roxy Lalonde, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam, Terezi Pyrope/Vriska Serket
Series: It's hard being a kid and growing up. It's hard and nobody understands. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1602742
Comments: 11
Kudos: 33





	1. Of writings and plans

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there!  
> I've had this drafted for over a year and I haven't posted anything here on AO3 yet despite how much fanfiction I write, so here we go. Time to start posting stuff.
> 
> NotedChampagne on tumblr wrote down this idea, and I had to write it because I'm gay and trash.
> 
> Also I'm bad at titles so let's see how this goes.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Rose finishes a story and decides to take a hold of the reins to her own.

Rose is slowly becoming desperate. She has exactly four days to get a girlfriend. Now, without context, this is a weird statement. Who puts a time limit on when to get into a relationship? Rose Lalonde does, apparently, though not willingly.  
In her opinion, relationships are supposed to grow over time -- like a flower. From a small seed of acquaintance to a sapling of friendship, and finally into a large blossoming flower of love. This long process, however, must be put on hold for now.

Raising a hand to the side of her head, Rose gently massages her temple, left hand still attacking the keyboard viciously, almost keeping the same pace as when she writes with both hands, moving quicker to compensate. A quick glance at the clock hanging over the door reminds her of the fifteen minutes of the creative writing exam that still remain.

The exam was a very simple one. Their professor, who insisted on them calling him Andrew, had only wanted a short novella about love. A very broad, though still almost painstakingly narrow area. You could say whatever you wanted about his teachings and the way he seemed not to care about his job, but he definitely knew what he was doing one way or another, and he always got a favorable end result (usually to almost everyone’s surprise). 

Rose’s piece was almost finished. She was in the editing process, having written the story with a lot of time left to edit and polish the writing. The story was about a vampire chasing her prey - a girl, who somehow constantly managed to get into situations where she was interrupted as soon as the vampire was about to strike. It ends with the vampire falling in love with her instead of drinking her blood, and that the weird unexplainable feeling -- the hole in her chest -- that she couldn't fill hadn’t been a need to drink the girl’s blood, but a feeling of love.

Rose was quite happy with it, but as with everything, it could always be improved. She had decided against writing about more wizards after seeing the glare Andrew shot her right before the exam started, huddled up in his entirely too large obnoxiously green coat. That hadn’t stopped her from adding a wizard as the rival, though. Just to be petty.

With a few more clicks on her keyboard, she removes her hands from it and scrolls through the text one final time. It suffices, she decides, and pushes the laptop a bit further ahead on her desk to free some space for her elbows. Rose always sits with both elbows propped on the table, and palms pushing up against her cheekbones when she has something to ponder. There were a few minutes of the test remaining, after all.

This exam was her final one before the end of the week, when the winter break finally started. Rose was more excited than she wanted to admit to walk around in the snow wearing some of her knitted garments and not having to worry about anything.

Sadly, her break wouldn’t be that simple. Rose’s family always has a reunion that stretches from a few days before christmas to about two days after, and they spend the holidays together. It has always been a tradition for the Lalondes and Striders to meet at one of the family members’ home during Christmas since they don’t want to risk falling apart due to lack of communication.

This year, it was scheduled to be at the small apartment that Dave shared with his boyfriend, but after an unfortunate gas explosion it had to be moved to a different location. Rose, of course, didn’t doubt for a second that Dave was either lying about the explosion or actually blew his apartment up for the purpose of them not celebrating there. He had been cursing up a storm when his name was pulled two weeks ago, after all.

And Karkat, his boyfriend, probably aided him with whatever lie/“accident” he had staged. The two of them probably didn’t want the rest of the family to see the messy apartment filled with romance movies and shitty katanas covering every available surface, even though literally every member of their family (and probably everyone else) knows that they are there.

They had all rolled with it, though, and the older of the Lalonde sisters, Roxy, had arranged for them to celebrate in a cabin a few miles away in the forest. It was apparently owned by her boyfriend’s father, who had insisted on them borrowing it, and he had already gone over there to stock it with boxes of cake mixes and extra blankets.

Now, here’s where the problem kicks in. Everyone in the family will be there, of course, though just Rose herself, Roxy, Dave, and Dirk. The adults had wanted to spend the holiday for themselves this year, finally agreeing that the teenagers were old enough to spend it alone. Rose had been looking forward to celebrating without their odd guardians since the age of six.

The problem is with the rest of the people they would celebrate with. Her beloved older sister’s boyfriend is coming along since his father owns the cabin, and the Lalondes have been good friends with the Egberts since before Rose was born. Dave will bring his boyfriend as well, even though said boyfriend probably will yell at him and curse him out about being “forced along” and not “deeming himself worthy” to spend Christmas with them after not having dated Dave for even a full year yet. Despite his angry demeanor, he is really insecure. Dirk also has a boyfriend to bring, and well the problem is painfully apparent.

Rose is not dating anybody. And that’s probably one of the weirdest things if you consider the personalities of the other siblings. 

Roxy had, despite her alcohol problem and wooziness managed to get one of the kindest boys Rose had ever met as her partner, and he had nothing against her habits, even though he always worked to gently ease them down to a more healthy level.

Dave, who was one of the most antisocial people Rose knew, had met his boyfriend at three in the morning when Karkat had practically knocked Dave’s door off the hinges and yelled at him for playing too loud music when he was trying to sleep. They had clicked immediately and moved together two months later. And two weeks after that, they were dating.

Even Dirk of all people had managed to get a boyfriend. The way they met is still pretty vague, but it includes drawings, horses, and porn from what Rose has gathered. She never felt the need to know more.

Out of the four siblings of the Strider/Lalonde family, Rose was the most normal one. She was hardworking, played the violin, knitted and read. She could swear that everyone in a ten-mile radius would explode from ear trauma if Roxy ever touched a musical instrument. So how come, that of all these four people, she was the one left without a date?

It was unacceptable and needed fixing. Before Christmas. Preferably immediately.

“All right my dudes you can send in the assignment and leave,” Andrew says and leans back over the desk to grab a gigantic cup with a picture of a pencil and the words ‘kill off everyone.’ It is probably coffee in it, but he is shady enough that no one knows what to expect.

Rose adds her name as well as the date at the top of the first page, double checks her title (A Romantic Tale of Two Girls Who Are Both Not Wizards) and sends it in. She snaps the screen shut and zips her knitted protective cover around it before slipping it into her bag and standing up. 

The emotions of her classmates are mixed. A few are typing furiously, trying to wrap the last bits up, two students are already out the door, and the rest are packing up at different paces. 

Next to her, another girl pushes her chair in and stretches her back, a contempt smile on her jade-colored lips. Her name is Kanaya, and she’s the only troll in the creative writing class -- and the only one Rose feels matches her level of writing. They had beta read each other’s assignments a couple of times, and you could probably say that they were friends. Well, not really friends, but not really classmates either. Something in the middle.

Society had been a mess when trolls and cherubs came to Earth a couple of years ago. No one knew how to react when a bunch of aliens came to earth, obviously. Things have calmed down since then, and the aliens have been accepted into society. There are still people opposed to their inclusion, but thankfully, your school isn’t xenophobic.

“Do you believe that the assignment went well?” Rose asks and hoists the bag across her right shoulder, leaning a bit to the side. Kanaya turns over to look at her and nods, picking her computer (wrapped in a neatly sewn and embroidered protective case) up and pressing it against her chest, wrapping her arms around it.

“I do believe that it turned out satisfactory, I must say,” she answers. “I ensured that enough time remained for me to properly go through and edit the text, so I do quite strongly believe that it is more than adequate.” Rose nods, and the two of them start walking out of the classroom, waving goodbye to Andrew. It’s not certain if he saw them or not since he was very enraptured by the screen of his computer displaying an episode of My Little Pony. It was far from a surprise at this point.

“I, also finished the actual first draft as quickly as I could, because I, too, believe that editing is the most vital part of any piece of writing.” 

The corridor is bustling with life, the last period of the day just having finished. Trolls were walking around chatting with their friends, and a human further down the hallway was lifting a cherub onto the lockers so he could climb up into the roof after removing a pane. 

Rose and Kanaya share a glance of understanding and agreement. “Might I inquire what yours was about?” Kanaya questions before smirking. “I have a highly educated guess that it is about wizards.” Rose scoffs playfully.

“You have such low thoughts of me, Kanaya.” She looks away, pretending to take offense. “I will have you know that the relationship was between a human girl and a vampire this time.” Kanaya looks moderately surprised.

“Oh my. Have your tendency and deeply rooted love of wizards and their complex lives finally drained? Is there no longer a thirst for those pointy hats and white beards?” 

“No those have all passed by me.” Rose sighs dramatically. “I shall never indulge in the long flowing robes of those older and wiser than I and their wands.” She looks back up at Kanaya and grins. 

“The wizard was the antagonist.” 

Kanaya looks rueful. “I figured just as much. Did you title it accordingly?” Rose stops at her locker, twisting the combination lock in a quick motion. Kanaya slides down balancing on her toes to unlock her locker at the bottom next to Rose’s. Rose found it hilarious that Kanaya, who is a good head taller than her, has a bottom locker.

“I do believe that the title ‘A Romantic Tale of Two Girls Who Are Both Not Wizards’ suffices for this assignment.” Kanaya laughs heartily and takes her jacket out of her locker, straightening her back.

“I am eagerly awaiting the comments Andrew places on it.” Rose wraps her pink scarf around her neck and closes her locker again. 

“I do that as well.” A scream, the sound of something breaking, as well as a loud thud interrupts their conversation, and they both turn to look down the hall, Rose having to stretch her neck and balance on the tip of her toes to see. 

The cherub boy had apparently climbed into the ceiling and tried to crawl across the tiles -- presumably to climb out of it in a different place, only for the ceiling to yield under his weight and collapse. There was now a large hole in the ceiling, and the human was laughing uncontrollably at the cursing cherub lying on his back on the floor covered in white dust from the ceiling and broken bits of panes. 

The voice of a teacher called out to them from a nearby classroom, and they both took off fast as lightning. _They are just as huge chaotic dumbasses as Dirk and Caliborn_ , Rose thinks while shaking her head and sinking back down onto the full sole of her shoes again. _I would be far from surprised if they got into this situation. They wouldn’t survive these days in the cabin without the rest of us keeping them from destroying the entire house, and I am sure both God and Cthulhu pray in gratitude every day that the two of them do not live together_.

She did too, for that matter. Rose turns back to Kanaya, finding it only polite to ask her about her work as well before leaving. 

“Did you turn in a work that did not contain anything related to sewing then? I could see Andrew staring at you and praying.” 

“Well,” Kanaya buttons her jacket and holds the computer back against it. “I could most certainly feel his murderous glare, and for once, I sort of listened. I actually wrote about a girl with an attachment to a demon, and the demon sacrificing immortality to be with her.” 

The teacher who called out to the boys who broke the ceiling has called the principal out of his office to show him the mess they made. She’s gesticulating wildly and practically screaming. 

“I must say I find the premise of this story very intriguing,” Rose says, and Kanaya practically rolls her eyes. “Of course you do. I made sure that the girl had a very specific hobby, however.”She winks at Rose and looks at the clock on her phone. “I do believe that it’s time for me to be off now,” she adds. 

Rose waves goodbye to Kanaya as she briskly walks through the hallway and around the mess of broken roof on the floor. It feels nice to joke around with someone with a similar sense of humor at times. Rose fishes her phone and a tube of lipstick out of her bag and heads into the closest girls’ bathroom (without having to pass the rubble).

There is no one else left in the girls’ bathroom from what she can see, so Rose sits down on the row of sinks and unlocks her phone, sighing at the number of notifications from the group chat with her siblings. At times, they really don’t know when to pipe their texting down, though with it only being a week until they all meet again, she understands the excitement. 

She quickly scrolls through what she missed during the test, and it’s not anything really noteworthy. Roxy sent a picture of herself with the messiest hair she has ever had, and an accompanying message to never let John near anyone’s hair with a hairdryer. Dave had a rap off with Dirk in the middle of the chat, and Dirk had, of course, felt compelled to share another masterpiece he had drawn together with Caliborn. It was downright horrendous, but thankfully not actual porn since that makes Caliborn squeamish.

What was supposed to be the Christmas tree that Dave and Karkat had been ordered to decorate that they sent a picture of looked more like a wonky green nose with warts and other facial marks than a tree. They had named it “Kringlefucker” and Rose didn’t even know how to react to it. It has character, at the very least.

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering HOLIDAY IN THE SCARY ASS FUCKING WOODS --

TT: What on earth have you been doing while I was writing my final exam?  
TG: heeeeeya rosey!!!  
TG: did you see my hiar? lmao  
TG: *haor  
TG: *hair  
TT: Roxy, have you been drinking? It is only five in the afternoon.  
TG: nahh. im just liek reeeeal tired ya know? zzzzzzzzzZzzzZZ  
TG: *like  
TT: Fair enough. Also Dave, Slime-bomb does not rhyme with Rhododendron.  
TG: whaaat   
TG: it does yknow   
TG: otherwise it interrupts the flow of my rap  
TT: Which flow?  
TG: okay first of all ouch  
TG: and second of all rude  
TG: how can you sleep at night knowing that you insult your brother like this  
TT: Believe me when I say that it’s easy.  
TG: well how did the writing thing go rosey??? <33  
TT: It went quite well, I suppose.  
TG: good! when r u comin home?  
TT: I will return shortly. I’m currently sitting in the school’s bathroom to try to stay away from the recent chaotic drama. Dirk, I am sure that you would like it.  
TT: Me?  
TT: Yes you. There was a human who helped a male cherub to climb into the ceiling, which then, of course, broke.  
TT: They fled down the hallway, not unlike a pair of criminals getting spotted, when the teachers tried to yell at them.  
TT: Hahah oh man that is absolutely hilarious.  
TT: You know that I am thinking of you and Caliborn right now?  
TT: This is a thing that the two of you would definitely do.  
TT: Either meaning to or by accident, of course.  
TT: I find your lack of faith in us disturbing.  
TG: well this was all fun and shit   
TG: but like rose quit putting on your tar colored fuckin lipstick and get outta school  
TT: How do you know that I am putting on lipstick?  
TG: rosey evry time u go into a bathrooom you come out w/ evn more lipstuck than be4.  
TT: I find you all very annoying, and I hope you know that.  
TT: As always, then.  
TG: well i gotta go pick up karkat   
TG: he got stuck in the movies section of the supermarket and missed the damn bus home from there  
TG: like jesus what would he do without me  
TG: he wouldnt survive   
TG: im his only hope  
TG: so yeah see yall in a week  
TG: and prepare for karkat screaming at you about some dumb cliche romance movie for a few hours  
TG: and probably make you watch at least three or something  
TT: Well Caliborn is going to eat the couch, so that’s that.  
TG: omg how r u even alive??? and he?  
TG: john is atleast no t as chaotic as that  
TG: im gonna force him 2 bake a cake for us  
TG: with vodka  
TG: its gon be totes aweosme.

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering HOLIDAY IN THE SCARY ASS FUCKING WOODS --

Rose shuts off her phone, leaving the conversation. She looks into the mirror and applies more lipstick, mentally screaming at herself and her siblings. Now she won’t be able to put lipstick on in the bathroom without thinking of them. Just as she put the lid back on with a soft click, another girl came into the bathroom, door opening with a bang. 

“Oh god are you still here?” The troll rolls her eyes behind her sunglasses that she wears all year round (which is somehow kind of acceptable, considering that it only has one dark lens) and makes her way over to an empty stall. “Can’t you be anywhere else when you put on that black smudgey shit? I swear, every time I go into a bathroom, you and your emo self is in there applying more.” 

Vriska looks like she usually does; insisting on wearing her jean jacket and red sneakers even in winter, paired with a faded black shirt with her cerulean sign. Trolls aren’t required to wear their sign anymore, but some prefer to uphold their traditions. Rose has noticed that Kanaya doesn’t wear a shirt with her sign on it, but it’s however incorporated in her outfits as small details -- like a pair of earrings or an embroidered neckline.

“You aren’t even dating anyone? Why do you need to reapply it?” She leans against the closed door of a stall, messy black hair cascading down her back. Rose doesn’t even need to turn around to know that she, as usual, is wearing a smirk on her painted lips, flashing her fangs. Vriska’s banter and attempts to be mean have never faced Rose at all. She didn’t need to be a licensed therapist to see the wall holding back years of trauma.

“And that’s coming from the troll who leaves messy cerulean lip marks on everyone and everything,” Rose calmly responds and jumps off the bench, not even sparing a glance to see the aftermath of her remark. She merely slips the lipstick back into her pocket nonchalantly and walks towards the door. Rose is not a mean person. She merely uses other people’s taunts and reverts them. It’s a sort of equivalent exchange, so to speak. 

Vriska gasps loudly, projecting her offense and making it seem like a bigger deal than it is. “Lalonde how dare you!!!!!!!!” She exclaims, pushing herself off the door.

“Oh my god can’t you two shut up?” an almost gnarly voice exclaims from the closest stall. Terezi slams the door open, narrowing her eyes under her glasses. “Vriska I know how much you want a kismesis, but can’t you even leave me alone to take a shit before hitting on someone?” With Vriska’s undivided attention on her now, Rose takes the opportunity to slowly open the door, planning to abscond as fast as she can. 

“Terezi don’t embarrass me like this! I was SO not hitting on her. Who do you take me for? The horny seadweller whatever his name is?” And besides, what would humans know about our quadrants?” 

Rose slips out of the door, sneaking a last glance inside before closing the door. Despite Terezi being blind, Rose swears that the troll winks at her before she closes the door. 

Vriska is famously known across campus as the “bossy troll” or whatever, and anyone who’s ever heard of her also knows about her matesprit Terezi. Most trolls (and humans for that matter) are confused with their banter and think they would be better suited as kismesises, but who are they to judge? If Terezi can keep a metaphorical noose around her girlfriend’s neck to keep her in check and out of too much trouble, then really, who are they to complain?

The corridor has started to empty out, but students still remain there, talking and taking pictures of the broken roof. By tomorrow, the cherub boy will probably be a school hero. Vriska will have to work hard to keep the spotlight. Frankly, the entire situation concerning the broken ceiling is kind of ridiculous. The teacher is talking on the phone, presumably to the cherub boy’s guardians when Rose walks past her. 

She navigates through the body of students, narrowly avoiding bumping into the throng of people around the broken roof tiles, and pushes the door leading out open. A cold wind immediately blows past, and she shivers, wishing that it would snow instead of just being absolutely freezing.

It’s a short walk back to the house (more like mansion) Rose shares with her mom and Roxy. School isn’t too far away from the house, but her mother somehow always wants to send a driver to pick her up despite how many times Rose refuses, saying that she prefers to walk instead. The short walk helps her clear her mind. 

Rose spends most time in the house alone. She dislikes long conversations with her mother, even though their relationship has improved, and Roxy doesn’t spend much time at home, preferring to sleep over or hang out at her boyfriend’s house. Speaking of boyfriend, Rose had been very surprised when Roxy had come home telling them that she had a boyfriend. She had always given off pretty gay vibes, to be honest. Rose was a bit disappointed to be proven wrong, but it doesn’t really matter as long as her sister is happy.

It doesn’t take long for Rose’s nose to turn red as she walks by the side of the road. When the noise of the day disappears when she puts a pair of ice-cold headphones in her ears, she allows herself to think again.

The conversation earlier with her siblings made her realize just how much she needs to top them. She has to show them that she has a better relationship (and prove that she has a girlfriend so there won't be any awkward third-wheeling and banter during the holiday). But how? She doesn’t really talk to people, and besides, who would agree to date her just like that before Christmas?

Rose sighs and kicks a rock with her foot. She stops at a red light and taps her fingers in her pocket to the rhythm of the song. When the light switches and the cars stop rolling, she quickly crosses the street, mind reeling at full pace, considering different options. She won’t be able to ask her mom for advice, because as soon as she gets drunk, she will tell Roxy everything, and her siblings can’t know about it.

Before she knows it, Rose stands in front of the ornate gates to her house. She still has no clue what to do. There must be something. She heads over to the door, boots crunching on the gravel in the driveway leading up to the main entrance. The second she opens the door, she is crushed by a bear hug, and a sweet smell hits her cold nose.

“Hello, Roxy,” she greets, muffled by her older sibling’s shoulder. 

“Hi Rosie!” Roxy replies, and practically drags Rose through the door before slamming it shut.

“Weren’t you at John’s just a few moments ago?” Rose asks and quickly removes her boots, placing them to the side. Roxy jumps up and down in excitement, phone in hand. There is obviously something she wants to show. Roxy pouts and puts a hand on her hip. “Well yeah, but then I had this really awesome idea, and I like, just had to get home to write it down and show you!” Oh great. 

“Is it more wizard porn?” Rose teases, face serious. Roxy snorts and grabs a hold of Rose’s scarf, jerking it off her neck. “Well maybe, but not a lot! I just need your opinion, you being like all sophisticated and taking creative writing and stuff.” Knowing that there was no way out of it, Rose just sighs and hangs her coat on a hook. 

“I’ll read and evaluate it when I have made a cup of tea.” Rose turns to face the kitchen, but Roxy grabs her arm and practically hurls her into the closest living room. Inside, on the table, stands a cup of tea and a small plate with three gingerbread cookies. “I’m so way ahead of you sis,” Roxy proclaims and ushers Rose to sit in the armchair.

Hesitantly, Rose takes a sip of the tea. It’s lukewarm. Roxy looks so happy and proud of herself for making it however, that she doesn’t let her remark slip out. “All right then, let me read through it.”

Roxy squeals and hands her phone over so quickly that she almost slaps her sister with it. Rose mentally prepares herself for a few pages’ worth of torture. The two sisters both love wizards, but let’s just say that their ways of portraying them vary. The text is, of course, written in Roxy’s usual texting style, because why would she change that? Even for the sake of her sister reading it. Rose smiles ruefully, resisting the urge to shake her head fondly.

It’s just as incoherent as her usual texts, but somehow Rose still manages to grasp the plot. Years of reading her siblings’ typing styles have paid off quite well. A young wizard wants to impress her master and show him that she is mature enough to get to the next spell. She asks a close friend if she would consider pretending to date her just so that she can advance. The other girl agrees, and they enter a fake relationship.

Then, the puzzle pieces to Rose’s problem fall together. The solution to her problem was so easy all along! “Roxy,” she breathes. “You are a genius.” Roxy grins and opens her mouth to respond, but before she has time, Rose has thrown her phone back at her. She runs out of the door and up the stairs, a gingerbread cookie in hand.

Roxy sits dumbfounded on the couch for a moment before shrugging and grabbing her phone from the blanket it landed on. Rose liked her story, and it looked like she had an epiphany. Her work here is done. She grins and relaxes against the back of the couch. If her writing is good enough to give Rose an idea, it’s really good. Her phone chimes and displays an unknown username. John will be busy for the rest of the evening. Something about… She can’t even remember what he was going to do.  
Roxy snorts and unlocks her phone, looking down at the unknown account pestering her. Why not have a conversation with this new person? It seems harmless enough.

Rose closes the door to her room behind her and brings a journal out, quickly scribbling down ideas and forming them into a plan. She has four days. Four days to get someone to pretend to date her during Christmas.

Rose thinks that she knows just the girl to ask.


	2. Of Worries and Insecurities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Rose decides to contact Kanaya, and Dave voices his worries.

Banging her head against her desk in defeat, Rose presses the backspace key so hard that she can hear it crack, deleting the message she’d been writing yet again. This is the ninth draft she’s written of the message to Kanaya, and she still can’t get it right without sounding like a lunatic and scaring her potential fake partner and classmate/friend away.

How should she compose it in a way that makes sense? “Hey there Kanaya. What do you say about pretending to date me during Christmas so I can show my siblings that I’m not the odd one out and show them that I have a far better partner? I mean if you’re not doing anything else that’s important?” No. That’s not going to work.

Rose groans dramatically and sits back up, slumping back in her desk chair, feet splayed out in front of her. Planning the operation out had been the easy part of all this. Actually writing the message and getting Kanaya to agree is the hard part, and the one she will have most trouble interfering with. She can make her statement and argument for it, but ultimately, the result is up to Kanaya. 

What on earth is Rose going to do if she refuses? There is no time to figure out and execute a backup plan, and there isn’t anyone else she can ask to act like her girlfriend. There’s no one else she feels close enough to ask this favor of. 

Rose’s computer chimes and her head snaps up so fast that her neck hurts in her hurry to see who is pestering her. Her shoulders slump as soon as she sees a familiar red text instead of the jade green one she’d been hoping to see. 

Unfortunately, it’s not Kanaya. It can’t be that simple now, can it? Why would the universe make things easy for her? Knowing that the messages will just pile up until she answers, Rose opens the message from her brother, part of her appreciating the break from trying to compose the perfect message to Kanaya.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 9.01 --

TG: hey  
TG: hey rose  
TG: I know youre there  
TG: stop doing whatever youre doing and answer me   
TT: What is it now, Dave?   
TG: oh shit you actually answered  
TG: it usually takes a lot more pestering before you do that  
TG: like shits real here  
TG: rose lalonde answering her chums after four messages must be some fucking world record  
TG: yes hello president obama i want you to give my sister a medal of honor here   
TT: Are you only writing to me to be annoying or because you need something?   
TG: okay fine  
TG: i need your help   
TT: As usual then.  
TT: What’s wrong now?   
TT: Is Karkat crying on the floor because of an “emotional scene” in a movie?   
TG: nah man that happened yesterday  
TG: but yeah this is about karkat  
TG: i have zero ideas in hell about what to get him for christmas   
TT: Are you serious?   
TG: yeah  
TG: i mean he already has a fuck ton of romcoms  
TG: like im constantly knee deep in shitty movies  
TG: cant even go to the bathroom without stepping on them  
TG: and you know what hes started doing  
TG: writing translations to his language on the covers  
TG: did you know that troll movie titles are like sixty fucking nine sentences long and spoil the entire ass movie  
TG: well he thought the lame human titles didnt do them justice   
TT: I think we might be getting a little off track here.   
TG: maybe that but hey movies are a lot better to constantly step in than puppets   
TT: Aren’t movies harder than puppets? Wouldn’t that hurt more?   
TG: youre missing the point here  
TG: its like the point is right in front of you  
TG: and you just do an acrobatic fuckin pirouette backwards and run to like japan or someplace far away  
TG: like canada   
TT: Canada isn’t far away.  
TT: Back to the topic.  
TT: Doesn’t your boyfriend -- or is it matesprit? -- have any other personality trait than “being the guy who loves romantic movies”   
TG: nah  
TG: just kidding  
TG: hes actually a really great guy  
TG: with lots of interests and stuff  
TG: its unfair to boil him down to “the guy who loves romantic movies”   
TT: If I have been offensive, I do apologize.   
TG: nah its fine  
TG: its just  
TG: so many people dont see him the way i do  
TG: hes like shrek   
TT: Excuse me, what?   
TG: hes an alien yeah sure but you know how shrek talks about onions  
TG: karkat is like that   
TT: ...Karkat is an onion?   
TG: god no shut up and listen  
TG: hes complex  
TG: hes got like all of these fuckin layers  
TG: like an onion  
TG: the first ones you see are his defence  
TG: his shell  
TG: something he wears to protect himself    
TT: Like your sunglasses?   
TG: yes like my shades  
TG: i worry about him a lot and i hate how people judge him based on his shell and refuse to give the real him a chance.  
TG: theres so much more to him than you know  
TG: but you know im bad at gifts rose so come on and help a bro out  
TG: i dont wanna stoop to the level of everyone else and give him a romcom  
TG: i want to show him that i can see past his shell and love him for who he is   
TT: That is really sweet, Dave, but I can’t be responsible for coming up with every gift you give to people.   
TT: Soon, I’m pretty sure I’ll have to come up with a gift for myself from you.   
TG: can you really do that  
TG: rose that was a great idea   
TT: …   
TG: yeah just kidding  
TG: but knowing you youve already gotten gifts for everyone so why not help a brother out   
TT: Now you’re sounding like the clown troll that’s always zoning out in the cafeteria.   
TG: oh man hes the best  
TG: who doesnt love themselves a juggalo clown   
TT: I don’t.   
TG: well you dont count   
TT: Dave, you can get your own boyfriend a Christmas gift, you do know that, right? It’s a perfectly normal thing to do.  
TT: Like you said; you’re the one who can see past his metaphorical shell.   
TG: come on  
TG: you dont even have a partner to find a gift for  
TG: its so much harder than for siblings or friends   
TT: I actually do have a girlfriend, for your information.   
TG: oh shit really  
TG: who  
TG: come on dont leave me hanging here   
TT: You’ll get to meet her during Christmas.   
TG: neat  
TG: but who is she   
TT: A girl from my creative writing class.   
TG: a/r/h   
TT: What?   
TG: age race hotness   
TT: …  
TT: She’s a troll, the same age as I, and certainly hotter than your “sick fires”.   
TG: i was excited about you not being single anymore but when you attack my raps like this im not   
TT: I need to go. I have a date to get ready for.   
TT: Good luck with Karkat’s present.   
TG: no rose wait  
TG: i still need your help  
TG: please rose   
TT: Why don’t you go bother Dirk or Roxy instead? See you.

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 9.17 --

“I am so goddamn stupid!” Rose exclaims and slams her laptop closed, burying her face in her hands. Why did she have to lie about having a girlfriend to Dave like that? Sure, he provoked her and made her feel sad about not having a partner, but if her plan doesn’t work out, then what on earth is she going to do? Now she has to convince Kanaya no matter what. A small part of her feels a bit guilty. Dave opened up about Karkat and asked for her help after all. But she can’t help everyone all the time. 

Rose lets herself slide down onto the messy floor of her room with a groan, ignoring the astray knitting needle that pokes her lower back uncomfortably. Spending Christmas lying here alone on the floor suddenly seems like a far more tempting idea than having to finish her message to Kanaya. Or be embarrassed in front of her siblings. 

Rose’s eyes travel over her walls, pausing for a moment at the large window showing the landscape outside. Or well, the back of their garden. Raindrops are pattering softly against the glass, running down in soft streaks across the transparent surface before dropping to the ground two stories below. 

It’s apparently still not cold enough to get some snow today either. There are three days until they leave to go to the cabin, Christmas eve is in five days, and the weather seems stubbornly intent on not releasing any snow. A part of Rose wants to force herself to sit her ass down with a cup of tea and send a message to Kanaya to get the plan going, and another part of her just wants to grab an umbrella and take a walk outside to let her mind wander. 

Rose decides to do a combination of both, and she slowly sits up with a groan and stretches her back. She winces at hearing it crack, and twists her back a few times to get rid of the tension. She walks down to the kitchen that’s thankfully empty and starts digging around in different cabinets for a thermos she knows is in there somewhere. 

In the first cabinet she opens, there are just piles of pots and metal bowls. The second one is filled with different glasses, and Rose mentally slaps herself for looking in a cabinet she opens every day. 

After some searching, she finds her old purple and skull-themed thermos in the back of the junk cabinet filled with stuff her mother hasn’t had the energy to throw out yet. It’s mostly filled with old wine bottles and things Rose and Roxy had made at kindergarten when they were young -- like a macaroni picture of a sun.

Rose fills the thermos with boiling water and a delicious green tea that doesn’t taste bad after being in a thermos while humming a soft tune. She has a vague memory of it being sung to her when she was young as a lullaby many years ago.

The house is almost eerily quiet. Rose takes that as a sign that either her mom and sister aren’t home, or they’re still sleeping. She wouldn’t be surprised about that considering how heavy sleepers they are. Still humming to make the large mansion feel a bit less empty, Rose takes a whiff of the tea before closing the container.

She slips her feet into a pair of rain boots, wraps her scarf around her neck, and slips the thermos into the pocket of her raincoat. _All geared up!_ she thinks to herself, for a moment entertaining the thought of being a knight and suiting up in armor before leaving the house. Though, to be fair, that somehow feels a lot more like a thing Dave would unironically do. Before heading out, Rose grabs her umbrella from the casted metal umbrella holder as a last thought. 

The walk to the park where she usually relaxes is short, and it doesn’t take many minutes before she’s trudging through the mud of the small hill leading up to a large oak tree. Rose usually goes here when she has something to ponder. There’s a branch she always sits on, and when it rains, she can use the branches above to rest her umbrella on and shield her from the rain.

Used to the climbing route, her hands and feet mechanically find their spots despite the rain making the tree slippery, and she’s seated on her branch within moments of her ascent. Rose takes a moment to enjoy the view. The rain creates circles on the water of the small pond nearby. She can see a few birds huddled together in a nest, trying to get out of the rain. A lone jogger runs past with headphones playing music that is so loud that Rose can hear it from over fifty meters away.

She can feel herself relax immediately. Closing her eyes, Rose takes a deep breath of the wet air and listens to the rain. Sometimes, she likes to imagine what it would be like to play the rain. How would it sound? How would it feel? The smell of wet grass fills her nose, and she lets herself imagine that the rain plays a melody when it falls onto leaves and blades of grass. Rose’s tense shoulders lower themselves as she relaxes. Going outside was a good idea.

She slides a hand into her pocket and pulls out her phone. Here goes nothing. She doesn’t need to send a perfect message after all. She just needs to get her point across, and hope that Kanaya accepts. Rose feels good about sitting outside writing the message. It clears her head.

Kanaya had given Rose her chumhandle a few weeks into the semester when they’d agreed to proof-read each others’ texts, and they’d had several conversations since then. Taking another calming breath, she presses the chumhandle.

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] started pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA] at 9.57 --

TT: Good morning, Kanaya.  
TT: I apologize if I wake you with this message.   
GA: Oh No Do Not Worry About That  
GA: I Was Already Awake   
TT: Alright then. That’s one problem less to deal with.   
GA: Sorry  
GA: Is There A Problem   
TT: Nothing to worry too much about. I guess I might be overthinking this just a bit.   
GA: Overthinking What   
TT: There is…  
TT: Something I want to ask you.   
GA: Oh What Is That   
TT: It’s kind of an awkward question, so please allow me to finish speaking before you judge anything of what I have to say.   
GA: I Must Say That This Is Both Intriguing And A Bit Scary   
TT: First, I would like to ask what your plans for Christmas is.   
GA: Twelfth Perigee  
GA: Well Not Much  
GA: We Maryams Usually Just Celebrate It Together  
GA: Might I Inquire The Reason For This Question?   
TT: Okay, that’s good.  
TT: I mean!  
TT: Sorry, this is not going as according to plan as I had wanted.   
GA: It Is Fine Rose  
GA: I Am Now More Intrigued Than Scared   
TT: Well, that’s a good start.  
TT: Alright. The real question I wanted to ask…   
GA: Yes   
TT: …  
TT: You know what? This might be easier to do in person.  
TT: Are you doing anything this afternoon, or might we perhaps meet up and discuss this?   
GA: That Is Fine By Me  
GA: I Do Not Have Any Plans For The Day  
GA: And I Would Love To Meet Up   
TT: Great! How about we meet up at Jane’s Café at say, two?   
GA: That Works Splendidly  
GA: I Will See You There Then   
TT: Yes! I’m looking forward to it.   
GA: Me Too

\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] at 10.12 --

“Why am I such a coward?” Rose exclaims with a groan and turns off her phone. “I couldn’t even ask her before backing out like a chump.” At least she got partway there. That should count for something. It doesn’t really, but Rose pretends that it does to make herself feel better about it. 

Then, a thought hits her like a brick to the face. She’s only ever met Kanaya in school before. They haven’t met anywhere else, and she just asked her to meet at a café. Rose groans and gently presses her forehead against the wet bark of the tree. How would that be interpreted by Kanaya? 

“Shut up, brain. You’re overthinking again,” she mutters to herself, forcing the train of thought out of her head. Rose can feel her heart beat fast, and the impulse to bite on her nails flashes past in her mind. She’s nervous. Rose can’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it.

She’s never nervous. Not during tests or while showing her work to people, or even when she’s called to the headmaster’s office -- but she is now. She’s nervous about talking to a girl. It’s very ironic, and Dave would have a field day with it if he knew. Rose supposes that being nervous to ask someone out -- even for a fake relationship makes most people nervous, but the feeling is foreign to her.

Despite the unfamiliar feeling, Rose can’t help but smile over the lid of her thermos. The rainclouds have started to clear up, a sliver of sunshine peeking past the curtain of clouds, and something tells her that everything is going to work out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say thank you all for the lovely comments and kudos so far! It really makes me smile. I hope you'll keep enjoying this story <3


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